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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"A Damsel in Distress"

I don't think the Marshmoretons
are fenced off from the rest of the world by some sort of divinity.
My sister does. Percy does. But Percy's an ass! If ever you find
yourself thinking differently from my son Percy, on any subject,
congratulate yourself. You'll be right."
"But . . ."
"I know what you're going to say. Let me finish. If I were the only
person concerned, I wouldn't stand in Maud's way, whoever she
wanted to marry, provided he was a good fellow and likely to make
her happy. But I'm not. There's my sister Caroline. There's a whole
crowd of silly, cackling fools--my sisters--my sons-in-law--all the
whole pack of them! If I didn't oppose Maud in this damned
infatuation she's got for you--if I stood by and let her marry
you--what do you think would happen to me?--I'd never have a moment's
peace! The whole gabbling pack of them would be at me, saying I was
to blame. There would be arguments, discussions, family councils!
I hate arguments! I loathe discussions! Family councils make me
sick! I'm a peaceable man, and I like a quiet life! And, damme,
I'm going to have it. So there's the thing for you in letters of
one syllable.


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