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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"A Damsel in Distress"

Just as Napoleon, minus a
stomach-ache, would have scorned the blunder that sent his
Cuirassiers plunging to destruction in the sunken road.
"I don't know what you're torkin' about," he said weakly.
"Well," said Keggs, "I haven't time to stand 'ere chatting with
you. I must be going back to 'is lordship, to tell 'im of the
'orrid trick you played on him."
A second spasm shook Albert to the core of his being. The double
assault was too much for him. Betrayed by the body, the spirit
yielded.
"You wouldn't do that, Mr. Keggs!"
There was a white flag in every syllable.
"I would if I did my duty."
"But you don't care about that," urged Albert ingratiatingly.
"I'll have to think it over," mused Keggs. "I don't want to be 'and
on a young boy." He struggled silently with himself. "Ruinin' 'is
prospecks!"
An inspiration seemed to come to him.
"All right, young blighted Albert," he said briskly. "I'll go
against my better nature this once and chance it. And now,
young feller me lad, you just 'and over that ticket of yours! You
know what I'm alloodin' to! That ticket you 'ad at the sweep,
the one with 'Mr.


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