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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"A Damsel in Distress"


"Albert, you're one of the great thinkers of the age. I could get
into the castle as a waiter, and you could tell Lady Maud I was
there, and we could arrange a meeting. Machiavelli couldn't have
thought of anything smoother."
"Mac Who?"
"One of your ancestors. Great schemer in his day. But, one moment."
"Now what?"
"How am I to get engaged? How do I get the job?"
"That's orl right. I'll tell the 'ousekeeper you're my cousin--
been a waiter in America at the best restaurongs--'ome for a
'oliday, but'll come in for one night to oblige. They'll pay yer a
quid."
"I'll hand it over to you."
"Just," said Albert approvingly, "wot I was goin' to suggest
myself."
"Then I'll leave all the arrangements to you."
"You'd better, if you don't want to mike a mess of everything. All
you've got to do is to come to the servants' entrance at eight
sharp tonight and say you're my cousin."
"That's an awful thing to ask anyone to say."
"Pardon?"
"Nothing!" said George.

CHAPTER 12.
The great ball in honour of Lord Belpher's coming-of-age was at its
height. The reporter of the Belpher Intelligencer and Farmers'
Guide, who was present in his official capacity, and had been
allowed by butler Keggs to take a peep at the scene through a
side-door, justly observed in his account of the proceedings next
day that the 'tout ensemble was fairylike', and described the
company as 'a galaxy of fair women and brave men'.


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