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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Great Catherine"

[To Catherine.] Darling Little
Mother: you have a kind heart, the kindest in Europe. Have pity.
Have mercy. I love you. [Claire bursts into tears.] Release me.
CATHERINE. Well, just to show you how much kinder a Russian
savage can be than an English one {though I am sorry to say I am
a German) here goes! [She stoops to loosen the straps.]
CLAIRE [jealously]. You needn't trouble, thank you. [She pounces
on the straps: and the two set Edstaston free between them.] Now
get up, please; and conduct yourself with some dignity if you are
not utterly demoralized.
EDSTASTON. Dignity! Ow! I can't. I'm stiff all over. I shall
never be able to stand up again. Oh Lord! how it hurts! [They
seize him by the shoulders and drag him up.] Yah! Agh! Wow! Oh!
Mmmmmm! Oh, Little Angel Mother, don't ever do this to a man
again. Knout him; kill him; roast him; baste him; head, hang, and
quarter him; but don't tie him up like that and tickle him.
CATHERINE. Your young lady still seems to think that you enjoyed
it.
CLAIRE. I know what I think. I will never speak to him again.
Your Majesty can keep him, as far as I am concerned.
CATHERINE. I would not deprive you of him for worlds; though
really I think he's rather a darling [she pats his cheek].


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