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Twain, Mark, 1835-1910

"Mark Twain's Speeches"

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GIRLS
In my capacity of publisher I recently received a manuscript from a
teacher which embodied a number of answers given by her pupils to
questions propounded. These answers show that the children had nothing
but the sound to go by--the sense was perfectly empty. Here are some of
their answers to words they were asked to define: Auriferous--pertaining
to an orifice; ammonia--the food of the gods; equestrian--one who asks
questions; parasite--a kind of umbrella; ipecaca--man who likes a good
dinner. And here is the definition of an ancient word honored by a great
party: Republican--a sinner mentioned in the Bible. And here is an
innocent deliverance of a zoological kind: "There are a good many donkeys
in the theological gardens." Here also is a definition which really
isn't very bad in its way: Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other
liquids. Here, too, is a sample of a boy's composition on girls, which,
I must say, I rather like:
"Girls are very stuckup and dignified in their manner and behaveyour.
They think more of dress than anything and like to play with dowls and
rags.


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