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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Three Men and a Maid"

I come in and say, 'Hullo,
Ernest!' and you say 'Hullo, Frank!' and then you help me tell the
story about the Pullman car. A child could do your part of it."
"Perhaps there is some child on board...."
"No! I want you. I shall feel safe with you. We've done it together
before."
"But honestly, I really don't think ... it isn't as if...."
Sam rose and extended a finger towards the bell.
"Stop! Stop!" cried Eustace Hignett. "I'll do it!"
Sam withdrew his finger.
"Good!" he said. "We've just got time for a rehearsal while you're
dressing. 'Hullo, Ernest!'"
"Hullo, Frank," said Eustace Hignett, brokenly, as he searched for his
unfamiliar trousers.


CHAPTER SIX

Ship's concerts are given in aid of the seamen's orphans and widows,
and, after one has been present at a few of them, one seems to feel
that any right-thinking orphan or widow would rather jog along and take
a chance of starvation than be the innocent cause of such things. They
open with a long speech from the master of the ceremonies--so long, as
a rule, that it is only the thought of what is going to happen
afterwards that enables the audience to bear it with fortitude.


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