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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Three Men and a Maid"

"You have got to
sing at the ship's concert."
"Why shouldn't I sing at the ship's concert?"
"My dear old man, you have many worthy qualities, but you must know
that you can't sing. You can't sing for nuts! I don't want to
discourage you, but, long ago as it is, you can't have forgotten what
an ass you made of yourself at that house-supper at school. Seeing
you up against it like this, I regret that I threw a lump of butter at
you on that occasion, though at the time it seemed the only course to
pursue."
Sam started.
"Was it you who threw that bit of butter?"
"It was."
"I wish I'd known! You silly chump, you ruined my collar."
"Ah, well, it's seven years ago. You would have had to send it to the
wash anyhow by this time. But don't let us brood on the past. Let us
put our heads together and think how we can get you out of this
terrible situation."
"I don't want to get out of it. I confidently expect to be the hit of
the evening."
"The hit of the evening! You! Singing!"
"I'm not going to sing.


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