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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Three Men and a Maid"


The only drawback to these life-saving competitions at school,
considered from the standpoint of fitting the competitors for the
problems of after-life, is that the object saved on such occasions is a
leather dummy, and of all things in this world a leather dummy is
perhaps the most placid and phlegmatic. It differs in many respects
from an emotional Swedish gentleman, six foot high and constructed
throughout of steel and india rubber, who is being lugged away from
cash which he has been regarding in the light of a legacy. Indeed, it
would not be hard to find a respect in which it does not differ. So far
from lying inert in Sam's arms and allowing himself to be saved in a
quiet and orderly manner, Mr. Swenson betrayed all the symptoms of one
who feels that he has fallen among murderers. Mr. Swenson, much as he
disliked competition, was ready to put up with it, provided that it was
fair competition. This pulling your rival away from the loot so that
you could grab it yourself--thus shockingly had the man misinterpreted
Sam's motives--was another thing altogether and his stout soul would
have none of it.


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