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Le Fanu, Joseph Sheridan, 1814-1873

"The House by the Church-Yard"


An' he that fought two jewels before, all about cats, one of them with a
Scotch gentleman that he gave the lie to, for saying that French cooks
had a way of stewing cats you could not tell them from hares; and the
other immadiately afther, with Lieutenant Rugge, of the Royal Navy, that
got one stewed for fun, and afther my Cousin Art dined off it, like a
man, showed him the tail and the claws. It's well he did not die of it,
and no wondher he resented my invitation, though upon my honour, as a
soldier and a gentleman, may I be stewed alive myself in a pot, Puddock
my dear, if I had the laste notion of offering him the smallest
affront!'
'I begin to despair, Sir,' exclaimed Puddock, 'of receiving the
information without which 'tis vain for me to try to be useful to you;
once more, may I entreat to know what _is_ the affront of which you
complain?'
'You don't know; raly and truly now, you don't know?' said O'Flaherty,
fixing a solemn tipsy leer on him.
'I tell you _no_, Thir,' rejoined Puddock.
'And do you mean to tell me you did not hear that vulgar dog Nutter's
unmanly jokes?'
'Jokes!' repeated Puddock, in large perplexity, 'why I've been here in
this town for more than five years, and I never heard in all that time
that Nutter once made a joke--and upon my life, I don't think he could
make a joke, Sir, if he tried--I don't, indeed, Lieutenant O'Flaherty,
upon my honour!'
And rat it, Sir, how can I help it?' cried O'Flaherty, relapsing into
pathos.


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