Coffee an' tea are all weel enuff,
but if yo want that yo munnot goa to a Temperance Hotel for it. Aw'ye
tried it monny a scoor times, but aw niver gate owt fit to sup, an' if
it hadn't been for th' drop o' rum aw gate 'em to put into it, aw
couldn't ha swallowed it. Tea an' coffee are things 'at dooant mend
wi' warmin up, an' yo connot allus wait woll fowk mak it, an' soa if
yo want to sup yo mun awther goa an' beg a drop o' watter, or pay
fourpence for a glass o' belly vengeance, or yo mun get a glass o'
drink--but yo've noa need to get a dozzen. Teetotallers say it
contains poison, an' noa daat it does--but it's of a varry slow mak,
an' if yo niver goa to excess yo may live to be a varry owd man, an'
dee befoor it begins to operate, Ther wor once a chap killed hissel
wi' aitin traitle parkin, but that's noa reason we shouldn't have a
bit o' brandy-snap at our fair. Aw allus think a teetotal lecturer is
like a bottle o' pop. Ther's a bit ov a crack to 'start wi', an' a
gooid deal o' fooamin, an' frothin', an' fizzin', but when it's all
ovver, an' settled daan, what's left is varry poor stuff. Still aw
think one teetotaller is worth moor nor a ship-load o' drunkards.
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