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Hartley, John, 1839-1915

"Yorkshire Ditties, Second Series To which is added The Cream of Wit and Humour from his Popular Writings"

They remind me ov a chap 'at aw knew at wed a
woman 'at had a wart at th' end ov her nooas, but it war nobbut a little
en, an' shoo wor a varry bonny lass for all that; but when they'd been wed
a bit, an' th' newness had getten warn off, he began to fancy at this wart
grew bigger ivery day, an' he stared at it, an' studied abaght it, wol when
he luk'd at his wife he could see nowt else, an' he kept dinging her up wi'
it wol shoo felt varry mich troubled. But one day, as they wor gettin'
ther dinner, he said, "Nay, lass, aw niver did see sich a thing as that
wart o' thy nooas is growing into; if it gooas on tha'll be like a
rhynockoroo or a newnicorn or summat!"
"Well," shoo says, "when tha wed me tha wed th' wart an' all, an' if tha
doesn't like it tha con lump it."
"Aw've noa need to lump it," he says, "for it's lumpin' itsen or aw'll gie
nowt for it."
Soa they went on, throo little to moor, till they'd a regular fratch, an'
as sooin as' he'd getten his dinner, he off to his wark, an' shoo to her
mother's. When Jim coom back an' fan th' fire aght, an' noa wife, he felt
rayther strange, but he wor detarmined to let her see 'at he could do baat
her, soa he gate a bit o' summat to ait an' went to bed.


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